I woke up this AM and briefly thought it was Monday...and wondered why my DH was downstairs watching his stories, rather than in his home office. Every moment of every day for about the past 9 days has been completely FUBARd.
Like everyone else around me, I vacillate between being utterly petrified and unable to do more than stare without focusing at nothing...unable to breathe and feeling like my heart would explode. This is broken-up by brief moments of feeling like everything will be OK. But I have NO reasons to believe that everything will be OK. 6 people in my county have now been confirmed +. I have to believe that the real # is at least 10x greater...and that is almost certainly an extreme low-ball estimate.
My son works in a retail environment. He doesn't have a lot of direct contact with customers and tends to work quieter hours...but it's a grocery/dept. store (competitor to Wal-Mart). His job is important. He'll be receiving at least a week or two of $2/hourly bonus. It's not enough for the risk he faces. Finally truckers and retailers and food service and nurses and teachers are getting the appreciation they always should have received. In the future when there is discussion of people not deserving a livable minimum wage, I hope people will drill home how critical these folks were to everyone's survival during this dark period.
I got in a run under overcast skies, today. Time spent outdoors is more necessary to my entire health than ever before. I had planned for 5, but the cold and smokey air (WTF, It really shouldn't have to be said while in the midst of a pandemic that DESTROYS people's lungs...but don't burn fucking leaves!) and the feeling like my immune system would benefit from less-is-more led me to cutting a mile from the planned distance.
After 3 doses of Cymbalta, I am finding that the undesirable side effects are lessening. The first couple of AMs I had some wooziness and eyesight focus issues for the first couple of hours. By 3pm I felt pretty normal. Today I really felt mostly normal right from the get-go. Sleep has been pretty typical for the past 2 nights, too. Never enough, but I'm getting deep sleep, so that's a good sign.
Also, it seems to be helping my hot flashes (which have never really been too awful, fortunately), which is welcome, since my oncologist has nixed HRT. Perhaps it's placebo effect, but I feel like I'm able to take deep breaths for the first time since before I lost my lung lobe, too. I have to wonder how much of my reduced lung function was legitimate panic attacks, rather than functional/volume reductions from the lung loss.
Fxck Cancer!
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