The Covid 19 (not to be confused with Covid-19)

In the same vein as the long accepted college Freshman 15, it's already becoming an accepted theory that many of us will find ourselves putting-on the Covid 19. It's probably not a good thing that I'm already halfway to this chonky milestone. It's especially bad, considering the fact that in the first week or two of shelter-at-home I was so petrified that I was mildly queasy and lacking appetite...so I lost 2-3# before gaining 9ish over my baseline. Jeez.

Can I blame Target? I ordered some toiletries and needed to add $5 to qualify for free shipping...so I threw in a 2# bag of Jelly Belly™ beans. That sort of set me off on a carb binge. Stuff I was somehow able to avoid from brick-and-mortar stores became suddenly so tempting when delivered to my front door. Plus all the delicious breads DH has been making...and wine. And difficulty procuring fresh produce when we're only hitting the store every 7-10 days. All on top of cutting back on my mileage to not overly tax my immune system.

I really don't want to log all of my calories, as "dieting" would add another source of anxiety to an already stressful existence, but it may come down to that to slow my rolls.

At the very least, I need to do a better job pacing myself for the next year or two of this viral "marathon".

Fxck Cancer!

Every day a new nightmare!

My craving for knowledge has a definite downside in the time of Covid-19. Literally EVERY day there is a newly uncovered Coronavirus horror. Yesterday it was a story re: the discovery that some people in their 30s-40s -- without pre-existing issues -- are suffering (and frequently dying) from blood clots and strokes. A friend-of-a-friend without history of high blood pressure or clotting issues just recently was diagnosed with both, shortly after receiving a + test for Covid-19.

Other asymptomatic people are developing rashes, particularly on hands and feet. To think...we all initially were under the impression that lung issues were the worst symptom associated with this virus. The reality is that people have been diagnosed with damage to heart, liver, kidneys, intestines/colon, and brain. Even those who have had "mild" symptoms.

Yesterday I ran a "virtual race"...my first 3 mile race (vs. the standard 5k distance). I didn't race it so much as spend the time thinking about my online running friends who are also participating in their own socially-distanced distance runs of varying lengths. I probably won't be participating in very many of these sorts of events. There are a lot of fee-based virtual races that send participants a shirt and medal, but I don't really "get" the concept of a race that doesn't have a start/finish line, timing, and the social component of the event. Some of these events have people run a specified distance, then record their time...which assumes that everyone is honest (nevermind the fact that no 2 people are running exactly the same route at the same time and under identical conditions). Anyone using Zwift for more than a ride or two knows exactly how that plays out.

I'm halfway through the 45-49 age group and have managed only 3 races. I was really looking forward to a year full of duathlons on my brand new tri bike. Now I'm just hoping that races might return before I move up to the 50-54 age division. Even if they were to be held in 2021, until there's a widely available vaccine and/or successful drug treatments, I won't be participating.

For now I'm downgrading my mileage goals for the year (run: 700 --> 550mi, bike: 3300 -- > 2500mi). My goals are no longer competition-focused, but with the intent to maintain moderate fitness, keep my immune system from becoming overtaxed, and to avoid injury.

Fxck Cancer!

Every Day's a Blur

And every day I go to bed with the relief that we're one day closer to a vaccine and a [hopeful] end to this pandemic nightmare. And every day I wake up with a moment of innocence...before reality enters and takes a shit on my reverie.

I'm finding a sort of pattern to my days. Good days alternating with bad. Good hours alternating with bad. My runs are good if I choose routes that would otherwise be unsettling. No more runs on scenic public paths or gravel roads with minimal vehicular traffic. These are now the domain of noob runners and pedestrians that seem ignorant of social distancing guidelines, much less which side of  the road they should be on (the left...facing traffic, FYI). Suddenly playing chicken with cars while sticking to gravel shoulders is my best bet for avoiding humanity.

It's a shame, as the path that runs right by our subdivision is <1 year old and we eagerly awaited its installation for years. It was supposed to be a safe place to run, separated from car traffic. Frustrating irony.

In the past week I've unfriended and snoozed more people on FB than in the previous decade+ that I've used that social media platform. I have utterly 0 patience for shit-for-brains who criticize our governor's protective responses to the virus. MI currently sits at #3 for cases. Most positive tests, hospitalizations, and deaths have taken places on the other side of the state, so a disturbingly large percentage of residents on this side of the state don't think we should be held to the same standards as the Detroit area. There's a clear lack of Scientific comprehension amongst local Trump-supporters. I wouldn't give a fuck what these imbeciles did, were they only endangering themselves and their families/friends. But that's not how this virus works.

My son is an "essential" retail employee. Which means he gets paid shit and is expendable. But he loves his job and he really is needed. And with Autism, it is extra important that he has some socialization while most of us are sheltering at home. I just hope we won't regret him working, now. Every night when he returns home we have him strip down to his underwear in the garage, toss his work clothes in a storage tub, dump the clothes in the washing machine, and immediately shower.

Tomorrow I have a scheduled infusion port flush. I've had anxiety over this for a month. I'll be glad to have it behind me, as my next one isn't for another 7ish weeks, along with blood work leading up to my next CT scan. I only fear that things could be so much worse, then. By then I expect some businesses will be back to business-as-usual and we will have our 2nd round of infections. This area isn't likely to avoid mass virus outbreak for long if beaches and factories are fully open.

After my port flush I'm hoping to find some TP (and Lysol, paper towel, hand sanitizer, etc.) at a nearby Target. That seems like a safer option than heading to Meijer, as Target only carries limited groceries. People have been hoarding these necessities in such ridiculous quantities that we've been unable to find any of the above in close to a month. So thankful for my bidet!!

I'd be crazy not to fill my half empty (half full?) gas tank before returning home, too. Gas has fallen to <$1/gallon, since no one is driving. It's done wonders for air quality, so that's a plus, too. As soon as I return home I'll be doing the garage-strip-down-followed-by-shower routine.

Fxck Cancer!

Posted to FB...

Stuff I pondered on today's run:
• 3 years ago I was mid-chemo
• 2 years ago I was recovering from ileostomy reversal
• 1 year ago I was preparing to lose a lung lobe
• 1 month ago I was training for my first full race season back from 3 years of Hell, on a brand new bike to celebrate tenuous survival

Now I'm preparing for year 4 of putting my life on hold and isolation. Chemo forced me to isolate. Ileostomy reversal forced me to isolate due to (fortunately temporary) severe low anterior resection syndrome (google that. It involved me wearing a diaper at 45). A year ago I struggled to attend my son's HS graduation, since I could barely breathe.

Folks, if you are healthy, still employed, and still have insurance...isolation for a couple of months and to a lesser degree until a vaccination is out in <1 year is really doable. You're reading this on social media. You have streaming entertainment and video-chat. Go spend some time on Cancer Twitter to comprehend what social distancing is like for those of us who have been practicing it for years. Those of us who have been enduring this long-term did so without the rest of the world having any firsthand empathy. We've watched our peers out enjoying the life we weren't able to. I've spent so many days of the past 3 years in tears as I looked at photos and/or read reports of favorite races that I was missing...year after year. This year I registered for races that will be cancelled and I'll be out money, but at least I'm not alone in my misery.

Fxck Cancer!